Once in Our Life Time
by bandedstarzic
Summary: EDITED! They recklessly shared a passionate night. But Sasuke just wants to stay the same. As friend. How will Naruto bear with it when he's no longer can suppressed his feeling for the raven-haired man...?


Disclaimer: Masashi Kishimoto's Naruto. SasuNaru, a bit SaiNaru

Warning: Yaoi – malexmale. Please kindly back off if you're into this or not old enough.

Once in Our Life Time

_His body pressed against mine. The heat overcoming me was unbearable. Everything began as a thunderstruck hit in an instant. Every moment felt like as an overflowing memory of pleasure, seeking for no more than comfort to the body. _

_And then we lied down here, running out of breath and naked. I couldn't say a thing as I had no courage or excuse to reason our action. _

_He got up, dressing himself. His white bareback skin glistened with sweat, blushed with tiny moon-shaped marks. I suddenly remembered I was so passionate holding onto him as the pleasure washed into me in the moment of intimacy. That made me felt so embarrassed that I wished I could undo those actions. Clinging, moaning, and fulfilling my needs in shameful way._

"_Er… I …" I couldn't continue nor knew what I wanted to say._

_The raven-haired man turned. His hair was messy but as usual his face looked stern. The corner of his mouth was bleeding a bit and his eyes showed some regret, some guilt or shame ? And somehow that made something inside of me snapped._

_I grabbed my clothes and dressed in an instant. When I left him, I barely made my words out, "Just pretend that this never happen. Not in our life time ever."_

_And he replied with a hint of relief, "Sure thing."_

That was three months ago. I continued my life as nothing happened back there in a tiny shack. With him. But, I felt a pang of pain in my chest, hoping for… No, what was I hoping for? From him, the one I least expected? He had disappointed me for many times. As selfish as he was, I finally gave up seeking out his concern for our friendship, let alone, a relationship more than that.

"..kage-sama? Hogake-sama? Hey, Naruto!"

I was pulled out from my flustered mind by demanding tone of pink-haired woman, my first crush. I looked up to see her uneasy face.

"What?"

"Nothing, but you look far from fine. Are you sure everything's alright?"

"Nah, don't worry, Sakura. I'm just tired from working two days straight without getting decent sleep." I tidied the papers on my desk in a jiffy. And I could feel her worry even more.

"Okay, if you say so. I'm just wandering if I could ask about THAT?"

I sighed. I knew she would ask about it one day. "Sit down, please."

She sat down and wearing the expression of curiousity and sympathy.

"Well, Hinata is a good woman. Too good for me, actually," I started, "But of course that isn't the reason WE cancelled the wedding." I used the WE even though it was me who cancelled it and Hinata was just too understanding about my reason for it. I regretted it so much but I knew I couldn't make her happy for all her life if I continued the plan to marry her. For the reason that I hated to admit. But I knew that she knew about it for she's been caring for me quietly since our childhood.

"It's just… I couldn't make her happy. I don't want to make suffer for all her life."

"Because you love someone else?"

Sakura's question was like picking on my scab. And I couldn't say anything at that.

Sakura just staring at me, searching for any answer but then she sighed. "I pity Hina-chan for loving you all this time. But I also pity you for loving such person. What a sinful guy he is."

I startled and met Sakura in the eyes.

"You think I wouldn't know about it? What do you take our friendship in our past fifteen years for? Really, Naruto, sometimes you can be so thick."

"I—I guess I am. But since when?"

She smiled with a hint of giggling, "Three months ago, that's for sure."

"Three –"

"Oh, yes. You know, when he was assigned one of our top secret missions. And you were missing for one night, making all the Anbus bewildered looking for you. Of course I knew, you were meeting him in some place since we hardly meet him at all in normal circumstances. Good for him, he was accepted back by Tsunade-baasan but he must not reveal his true identity to our villagers. But anyway, since you got back that time, I knew something happened between you two. And it's not a lowly fight between children anymore."

I was amazed by her observation. "But how…?"

"Let me finish it first. Of course I couldn't tell just from that. Your cancellation of the wedding strengthens my suspicion. But that was just a guess and I just need to confirm it."

"So you're saying… you just asking me out of luck?!"

"Well, if you put it that way, yes."

I slumped over my chair. So I busted myself? What a tricky woman.

"Naruto, I won't judge you for loving him, a man, so you don't need to worry and of course I won't tell anybody else as your and his condition is complicated enough. So –"

I put my nervously grin. "That's the last thing I'd be worried about. I don't have any intention to bother him about this nor do we share a mutual feeling. I'm just content with myself. My duty and my village. Those matter for me the most."

"Are you, Naruto? I know if you're lying. My. Dear. Friend. Naruto-kun." She smacked me over my forehead. She smiled proudly as she's been behaving well and waiting for Christmas present. "So, I planned this as your consolation for your cancelled marriage."

"What are you –" I couldn't finish my sentence as an Anbu suddenly appeared before us. That snake-shaped mask. Could it be…?

"Ah, you've arrived. Here, today's mission for you. This is the most top secret duty ever. So, I, and of course, Hokage, are expecting the best from you." Sakura handed a parchment over to the Anbu. The Anbu could see the confusion written over my face but he didn't say anything as Sakura was his direct supervisor.

"I'm off, then. Please ask Hokage-sama if you have anything to ask for your mission. Naruto, see you later in a better mood." And by that, Sakura left us in awkward silence.

I couldn't read his expression when he finished reading the parchment. Damn, that busybody woman. What did she do this time? And this silence, why didn't he say a thing? Why didn't he greet me as his higher supervisor? Damn his snobbish attitude!

"Well, what are you waiting, Anbu? Why don't you start the mission Sakura given to you?" I tried my best to maintain my calm.

He didn't say anything as he approaching my desk. I could feel my palms sweating. "Well?"

The Anbu spread the parchment. My confusion changed into a bit of annoyance when read it.

"Top Secret Mission: Rank S

Sort everything's out with Hokage. First and foremost, get along 'very well' with Hokage.

Special Anbu's Team Leader,

Sakura"

Really, that woman could be so damn irritating sometimes.

"Oh. I guess this mission is not valid then, for using personal matter as a prank." I tried to laugh it out as a mere joke. But to my surprise, he answered in a serious tone.

"But, I want to sort it out."

"HUH?! Why?" I dumbfounded by it.

"Because I want to keep things as professional as I can, Hokage-sama."

"Oh." Again, a terrible pain my chest. I knew it would become like this. It was futile from the start, better be hidden deep inside. This cheesy feeling of me. Be strong, Naruto, as you usually do.

"Okay, we both know it was out of our comprehension. We're men. In heat. And we couldn't control our urges. So, like I said, let's pretend it never happened. Just a spur of a moment. That's it. You can assure yourself, nothing will be said in the future nor will we ever talk about it." Damn it, why doesn't he put off his mask so I can see his expression?

I stood up, maintaining myself so hard not to quiver, "I'll talk to Sakura for this childish act of her. You can leave now."

The view of sunset over Konoha was so bright and outstanding but I couldn't separate his image in my mind. I clutched my palms tighter that it was almost painful to bear. Just leave, please. Don't say anything, anymore.

"Usuratonkachi."

I turned around to see him in a dim light of the room, grinning sheepishly but also conceitedly.

"You can never get rid of readable thoughts of yours. I never fully understand how you can maintain your position as hokage with that weakness."

"Shut up, teme."

"What I want to say is," He stepped closer to me, "these things confusing me as well."

We finally met our eyes together. "You don't have any idea how things between us freaked me out. You, of all people, my…" He averted his eyes, "my best friend to have feeling of love is one thing, but if it's for me, it's another thing. And on top of that, A MAN."

I wanted him to stop explaining because it hurt me. But, I must if I wanted to give up clean and square.

"I don't have any concern enough to accept any feeling beside my job anymore. I can't. My job is the only thing that I have to live for."

_So, me or Sakura is not in your list, then_, I bitterly thought.

"Stop. Enough. Let's make myself clear for the last time." I turned again facing the outside view, not wanting him to see my painful facade.

"Yes, I loved you, once. That night, I thought I could hold back my feeling. But you become so nice than ever and I hadn't seen you for a while, and also we can blame on the drunken state we were in," I let out bitter chuckles, "I was carried away and so were you. You were right, I was hoping for something more. But not anymore. I know we can't jeopardize this relationship between us for something fragile as love." I bit my lips, putting my best effort and turned around and faced him.

A broad smile over my face, "I loved you, Sasuke. But it's better to give up, huh."

He sighed, "Well, if you put it that way... I can't bear to have awkward feeling around us."

I wanted to knock myself out so I could lose consciousness and never had to remember this moment. I wanted to sleep so long as it took to forget this.

"Yes, sorry for troubling you."

"No, it's not what I meant… I mean…"

"I know. I get it what you meant. Just let it end as one night stand."

He stared at me for a moment, though with poker face. And he just put on his mask back. This was the end.

"As a parting gift, would you mind grant my wish, Sasuke?"

I could see his body twitched as I mentioned parting.

"Yes, what it is… Hokage-sama?"

"From now on, never ever address me outside the formal circumstances. And never ever put off you mask in that condition. Are we clear on that?" I hoped I could make my face expressionless enough.

"Yes, Sir." There was a hesitation in his voice, but I decided to ignore it.

"You may leave now, Anbu." I turned my back, barely constraining my emotion.

"Yes, Sir." A poof and he disappeared.

And I just faintly sobbed, clutching tightly on the window frame.

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"So?"

"What did you expect, nosy girl?" A bit of infuriation in Sasuke's voice.

"Don't tell me, he confessed and you rejected him?" Anger and disbelief written all over Sakura's face.

"What else? You expected me to accept his feeling? Next time, give me a reasonable task, Taichou-sama." The raven-haired anbu didn't expect to be hit by Sakura square in the stomach.

"What the hell are you doing, Sakura?! Ughh.." He fell down, holding his painful abdomen. Sakura surely didn't lose her inhuman psychical strength.

"Serves you right for an imbecile man like you. I can't believe I also liked you. Shame on me." She crossed her arms and putting a disgusted look. "For all his effort to save you in the past and all you can give him is disappointment. Hah, I never met a twisted man like you."

"You meet one now," said Sasuke sarcastically, "And I didn't ask to be saved, in case you forget. I even tried to kill you both with the entire village."

"You… you…' Sakura lost his words for Sasuke's dully remark. "Whatever. From now, just stay away from Naruto, you get that?!"

"You don't have to tell me. He told me already. And why you treating him like a damn fragile woman? One broken heart would not kill a strong and stupid person like him."

Her eyes saddened. "You are never considerate for other people's feeling, aren't you? I thought you would change a bit or that you were just shy to let people know. But now I know, this is the real you. Cold and selfish. Naruto went that far as your friend, barely family. And how far would you think he go for the person he loves? A best friend on top of that. I told you stay away not for his safety but for yours."

Sasuke just silenced himself, lost in thought.

"Why would he be that stupid?"

Sakura shrugged at Sasuke's question and walked away. "You've been his reason for being stupid. So don't ask me. It's always you. You make him feels worth of himself living, and, maybe, you can also make him feels worth of dying."

"Wait..." stopped Sasuke.

"Stop hurting him, okay? Just stay in the dark and cold place, and alone as you always want to do. If you can't make him happy as a friend and a lover, pretend that you never know him. Let other people, who capable and willing to make him happy." With a brief cold gaze, Sakura left him alone.

With a forceful power, Sasuke punched the ground, making the ground smashed. "Damn!"

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"Naruto, is pork rib barbeque okay?" Sai poked in from Naruto's kitchen.

"I told you, instant ramen is just fine."

"No, no, Sakura-san told me, forcefully told me, to make you eat something beside the nasty ramen."

"Ugh, since when did you surrender and become her servant?"

Sai smiled innocently, "Well, don't want to die yet, so I figure I must follow her order. Her fist can send me straight to the heaven.'

Naruto chuckled. "You got that right."

After a mouthful of delicious dinner made by Sai, we sat down on the roof watching the sparkling village in such clear night, taking turn in drinking booze. This was one of my habits with Sai since I became Hokage.

"Were you rejected by Sasuke?"

I choked on my booze on this unexpected question. Sai was always so honest and direct.

"Are you okay, Naruto?"

"Uhuk…,uhuk… yeah, 'm okay. Sorry."

He waited for my answer in such way a cat waited to be fed. I almost laughed at him.

"Yes. Do you feel disgusted by me liking a man?"

He smiled, such an honest smile like a child. "No, of course not. You can never force your feeling"

I smiled back, "Thank you, Sai."

"Same as me." He added. I was puzzled by it.

"If he can't give you love. Others will."

"Others?"

"For example, Hinata-san," I felt guilty as she was mentioned, "Or me."

I looked up and saw him staring at me with that honest look. Then he reached my hand, holding me tight with warm and cozy feeling of him. He looked slightly blushing, something that rarely happened.

"Sai… "

"I know how it is to have one-sided love. You told me how to have emotion. You told me how to be human."

"I –"

He tightened his grip, "I'm not asking you to reciprocate my feeling. Just you know, I'll be here to make you happy. I'll be. Sakura-san will be. Hinata-san will be. Your friends will be. And the entire village you protected will be. So, don't go alone. Don't do it alone."

I felt so moved by his words. I could feel my eyes and my nose tingling. Without hesitation, I hugged him so tight that he merely breathed.

"Thank you, thank you, Sai, You're the best!"

"Naruto, you're choking me to death. I don't wanna die yet."

And there my first laugh in three months.

Across the woods, the raven-haired saw that scene from the start. He could hardly watch without help from the eyes of Uchiha.

"Tch! Laugh like an idiot." Sasuke felt a bit jealousy of Naruto being close to Sai, a fake substitute who looked just like Sasuke.

And he suddenly understood Naruto's feeling while watching him and Sai kissing passionately on the roof.

_No one can replace me. In hate or in love_, he thought as he rushed to Naruto's place.

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I could hear the sound of splashing water and sweet fragrance of fresh pines reached my nostril, waking me up in a modest small house. I felt pain in the back of my head making me dizzy. I looked around the room which dim-lighted with beautiful orange sunrise. And he sat there, in the dark corner of the room, staring me intensely.

"What the hell did you do? Kidnapping me to your house? You could be killed by the Anbus for snatching Hokage from the village."

He barely opened his mouth when talking. "Are you worried about me?"

"I don't want to cause unnecessary panic because of your unpredictable act. I told you already I don't want to ever see you again. And where's Sai? What did you do to him?"

He sighed and moved closer. "So noisy. I really can't stand you. You're always so annoying although you don't do anything."

My heart thumping so hard that I was afraid he could hear it. I gritted my teeth. "And how that is supposed to be my fault? Shit, why can't you just leave me alone? Do you like seeing me suffer that much?"

I avoided his eyes but he grabbed me by the collar and kissed me forcefully.

"Hmph!" I bit his lips and pushed him back.

"Why?"

He paused and ruffled his hair in distress. "I don't know! I just… don't know… I don't like seeing you with other people." He raised his voice making me twitched with hope.

"Are you jealous, Sasuke, that I kissed Sai?"

The raven-haired man looked up, met me in the eye. "Yes, maybe I am. Or maybe I feel betrayed. You said you like me then why did you…?! Are you that unfaithful?"

The blood boiling up in my head, feel angry for his stupid selfishness and ignorant side. "Why can't I? You don't love me. I decided to stop hoping. I look for new love. Sai loves me. And what the hell is wrong with that! I'm not a thing that you can keep as yours forever and I'm a man. I have my own pride too, bastard!" I could feel a trickle of tears leaving my eyes. And how I hated to be seen weak in front of him.

Sasuke reached over my tears, wiped them off.

"Stop being gentle to me occasionally. Just leave and never look back like what you did years ago. Please, I beg you."

Suddenly, Sasuke pulled me into his arms, tightly hugging me. I could feel his body heat and I thought I could never ever forget him at all.

"I don't want to. I don't want to never see you again, anymore. Stay here, Naruto."

I was speechless.

It felt like hours we embracing each other in silent. I felt so contented just by doing it. I hoped the time could stop and we stayed like that forever.

But then, a small bird made from paper came. We had to separate and made the situation so awkward. He didn't say anything, just reading the message and handed it over me.

"Everything has been taken care of. Take your time to reconcile.

Sakura and Sai"

I sighed. "Nagging woman." And I could see him smile.

"Sasuke, I—" He reached my hand and held it without saying any word.

We spent the entire morning lazing around in the side porch, watching the magnificent view of the hill and the fall. Holding hands. And the entire evening cleaning up his kunai. Once in a while I stole glance to see him staring back at me.

The night fell, time for me to go. I could not leave the village without a word even though Sakura had taken care of everything in my place.

"I must go. "

"Yeah."

It was even harder to part this time, because I knew this time saying good-bye would absolutely devastate me, truly break me down. I couldn't bear it, this lingering warmth of his fingers.

"Don't tell me to go. I can't. It's as if you telling me to die… please…" I bit my lips so hard so it bled.

He touched my lips, caught me in a soft and long kiss. "Damn me, I won't. I can't. Not anymore."

He kissed, I kissed back, and so on and so on until we were out of breath. We stopped, chuckled and resuming the kiss.

"So." My lips felt numb.

"So?"

I caressed his jet-black hair. His eyes sparked with hidden lust, made me tremble with desire.

"Are coming with the term that you love me now? Or at least want me in that way?"

Sasuke held my fingers and kissed them, staring deep inside me. "Not 'now'. But 'already'. And yes, of course I want you in that way. Always"

I looked at him in disbelief.

"This is confusing, you know. Me, of all people, don't deserve to be loved because for me love was dead since I lost my family. Revenge was my sole purpose in life. I wasn't that good, and hell, even now I'm not good enough to be with you. To be a part of this village. We're too different."

Sasuke looked away, remembering our bitter past. "I don't know what made me come here after I tried to destroy Konoha and killed everyone, including you. I can't think.. I-"

I pulled him into a passionate kiss, "Then don't. You don't have to think about anything. Just do it. Just feel it. Now, what do you want feel, Sasuke?"

He was lost in desire, his long suppressed desire. "You."

We kissed, battling our tongue, dominating one after another. Sultry lips, warm breaths, and sopping tongues dancing in the dark. His cool fingers slowly undressing me, carefully touching me as I was a fragile doll. And I pulled him hard, urging him to be rough, to be more and more in love with me.

"Sasuke.. Sasuke…."

Every trace his fingers left on my skin only made me shivering, desperately needed for more. He only chuckled.

"Easy there, Usuratonkachi. We have all the time in the world."

"Damn you, you know I can't hold it." I bit his lower lip and licked it as temptation.

Suddenly, Sasuke pushed me down on the hard surface of tatami, attacking my nape ferociously. I moaned loader when he rubbed our hard-on together through our clothes. When I nearly came he flipped my body so I was on all four, and tore off our remaining clothes in a flash. Without hesitation, roughly, he entered me in a single push. I nearly came right away.

"Kuh..ah haa..S-Sasuke…Don't be… aagh… to rough.."

I could feel he smirked while enjoying biting my nape. This sensation was too overwhelming. It was too good to be true.

His paces grew harder and rougher. "Naruto… Naruto… hha… "

The slapping voice of flesh with flesh resounded in the room. The sweat slicked our bodies, wanting to feel more pleasure, probing deep into our souls. And it was too good to be true.

Desperately clinging to Sasuke, I made proof of our love in his bare neck, his broad back. So I could believe this was not an illusion.

"Hhh.. Naruto, I think… hha… " And the blissful moment reached us in the same time. But, it wasn't enough. It was too good to be true.

I possessively kissed him. Again and again and again. Out of breath, I was trying to hold him tight so he wouldn't be out of my reach again.

"Never go again. Don't let me alone anymore… Sasuke…" This love was too overbearing, yes. Too painful for me if he's gone again. Next time, that would be the end for me. For him.

He understood. Sasuke understood.

He soothed my back while hugging me firmly. "I know. If that time ever come, that will be the last thing we do."

He kissed the corner of my eye, my neck, and a soft kiss on lips, as to seal our promise. And we just kept embracing each other for the entire night. Seeking comfort, obsessing with the love for each other.

I don't know what will become of us. As for me, too much love to be given, too much pain to be received. Our happy ending lies in the every single moment we share, in every touch we feel. What matters the most that he is here. At my side. That's all I need to know.

THE END


End file.
